Venus was a girl and she went to high school. She was in love. She was in love with two different people who were different and were boys. One was named Evander, or ‘Evan’ for short. The other was named Phillip.
Evan was hot, Venus thought. But Phillip was so cute!
Prom was coming up, but who should Venus ask to prom if she liked both of the guys?
Evan was tall and handsome. He played lacrosse and Venus was pretty sure he was captain, or at least a co-captain. He was a good lacrosse player. Sometimes, Venus would go see the games but that’s only because her friend Nike’s little sister was on the lacrosse team. Her friend Nike’s little sister was named Terra and Terra was even better than Evan.
This made Venus worried. What if Terra was to kick Evan off as being co-captain? There were only 2 co-captains: Evan and Lysander.
That can’t happen! Venus decreed with a smile and decided to plot something to ensure that Evan would always be the captain.
This was worrying, since Terra was strong and pretty and popular and everyone on the team loved her. She dated literally everyone on the team—except for Lysander and Evan. Venus thought it was because it would be mega Awk if she dated them and then usurped their captainship. Still, this made Venus nervous. What if Terra really did like Evan?! And what if he liked her back? This was NOT okay.
Venus asked Nike to ask Terra to find out if Terra liked Evan. But then Nike had to go to Rome for the rest of the year because of her Brown University high school study abroad program so Nike was no help. Silly Nike!
Venus was now worried. Terra was so popular!
Phillip was cute and tall, too; Venus only really liked tall guys. Just like Evan. Phillip and Evan were both super smart except Phillip was smarter. Which was good, Venus deduced, if she wanted financial stability in the future. She was sure that Evan could give her that as well but Phillip had straight A’s in all of his Honors and AP classes.
But then Phillip went away on a Brown University high school study abroad program which made Venus sad since he went to California to save some manatee which would almost certainly be extinct due to global warming and rising sea levels. Silly Phillip!
But then Phillip came back because of the plague in California, no more planes to California! Cali was quarantined. That was good, deduced Venus, since Phillip was back! Venus Facebook messaged Phillip, asking questions about the state of California. Venus said it was for the school newspaper, which it was. But it was also a chance to get closer to Phillip, and Venus loved that very much.
Phillip told her lots of things, and Venus did the same. They became good friends, except they could never see each other since they had no classes together. So they would hang out after school and eventually, Venus convinced Phillip to join the newspaper! Success!, decreed Venus with a triumphant simile! Oops, she meant smile!
But while she grew close to Phillip, her feelings for Evan would refuse to subside. Time to take matters into her own hands!
Venus asked Arachne to ask Terra to the prom that was coming up in a few weeks. She hoped that this would find out Terra’s true intention.
Arachne reported back a few weeks later: Terra was smart. Terra preferred only romantic relationships; Terra didn’t like sex. Terra had dated everyone on the team—except for Lysander and Evan, the only guys on the team.
Oops! Said Venus, I forgot that Terra is homosexual. Silly Venus!
Now is my chance, decreed Venus, to make a move on Evan!
She asked Evan for an interview for the newspaper (it was a fake interview) but it worked! He invited her to go see a movie and then they got ice cream and ran across the town.
Phillip was jealous of Evan.
Evan, after finding out how close Phillip was to Venus, was jealous of Phillip.
Venus was jealous of Nike, who no doubt was so happy to have been accepted Early Decision to Brown.
Nike was jealous of nobody.
Terra was jealous of Nike, because Terra was only accepted Early Action to Amherst.
Arachne just didn’t care.
Senior Prom was still coming up and Venus was so nervous—who should she ask??
Evan and Phillip confronted Venus and both said: “Pick me! Choose me!”
Venus was confused. Venus was nervous. Venus was worried.
Venus made a decision.
“I decide to not decide,” said Venus, hugging both Evan AND Phillip. “I choose both.”
Evan and Phillip hugged Venus back and then they went to prom and lived happily ever after.
Nike went to Brown. Arachne went to Brown. Phillip went to Brown. Evan went to Brown. Achilles went to Brown. Everyone went to Brown. Except Terra.
And Venus, but she doesn’t count since she transferred to Brown after community college.
A funny thing happened on the way to prom, concludes Venus with a big smile. Phillip, Evan, and I saw Arachne snogging Terra! I just KNEW they would be a great match for each other; that’s why I had Arachne ask Terra to the prom. I should play matchmaker more often—after all, I am named after the Goddess of Love & Justice!
No, it’s just love, says Phillip and Evan, both sighing heavily.
Oiiyy come here you!, says Venus as she attacks them both with her lips, as all three of them fall into the backseat of her 2015 Honda Odyssey minivan, laughing all the while.
It was good, Venus thought.
How to Get Your Favorite Ice Cream from Your Dad
I’m sitting in the frigid living room, huddled up on the couch, underneath my Dad’s sweatshirt. It’s too large for me to wear, and it’s too large for him to wear, so we just use it as a makeshift blanket. My Dad is gone; he went out to the bar with his buddies to go get drunk and to drink away the pain of being unemployed. Kinda stupid if you ask me, but I’ll live.
With the thick sweatshirt covering me, I’m able to keep warm, for now at least. Why is the room so cold? It’s not even winter! It’s autumn for crying out loud! Mother Nature needs to really reconsider the climates of each of her seasons. Maybe I could send her a letter? What’s her address?
The TV is on, showing a basketball game between the Giants and the Yankees. The Giants are winning, I think. Or was it the Yankees? Whichever one has the red Devil logo. I don’t really care much for sports. I’m literally too lazy to move five feet and get the controller off the reclining chair and turn it off. Bleh. Effort.
I’m playing Flappy Bird on my IPhone 5S, but the stupid bird keeps dying. My high score? Oh…three points. Yes, I know I’m bad, thank you for reminding me, but not everyone can be the best at everything they do, right? So there!
My bird hits the protruding pole from the ground in the game and falls to the ground, dead.
I hate birds.
I notice movement from the corner of my vision; I look up, and I’m met face to face with a black…flying….object…thing?
Oh, and it’s coming right at me.
“AHHEEE!” I launch myself off the couch and across the room (but not before I make sure I have my IPhone and my comfy blanket with me). I hit the floor and bang my arm into the TV (stupid new technology, preventing people from hurtling themselves across rooms!).
I look up at the…thing…flying around in small circles. I get a look at it. My heart is beating fast. It’s black and it kinda looks like a bird. Or maybe it’s a bat?
OH GOD WHAT IF IT HAS RABIES.
Wait. Can birds have rabies? But I thought that maybe it was a bat? Can bats have rabies?
Before I think of what to do, it hurls itself at me, probably intent on infecting me! I must protect myself!
I hold up my blanket, dropping my IPhone (a sad sacrifice). It sees my impenetrable defensive system and veers off its path of destruction. I throw the blanket at the bat…bird…thing, in hopes of trapping it. But it’s too fast and my blanket is too slow, limited by the natural law of gravity. Curses!
The dark creature turns around and launches itself at me again. I turn around and grab something off of the table to protect me. I pick up a wooden object; is it a stick? Maybe I can poke its eyes out!
No. It’s my dad’s ceremonial family cross.
The bat races at me, like a demon from Hell. Maybe this will work?
“The power of Christ compels me!” I yell as a brandish the cross in front of me, swinging it back and forth and all around like some kind of holy weapon.
The demon sees this and flies off, and I take this chance to sprint away (It’s not fleeing. It’s a tactical retreat) to my room. I lock the door in a frenzy of panic and sit down on the bed, hysterical.
I lost my dearest blanket and my beloved IPhone 5S in the long, hard war that lasted all of the last 5 minutes. The going was tough, morale was low, forces were dwindled, and the supplies might not make it through the winter. But I would move on and conquer this demonic being from the Other Side and become the victor!
But, I was going to need some help…
“OMG Dad I need your help like right now it’s a bat bird demon thing that’s flying around in the house and attacking innocent people like me and IPhone 5S and Blanket and I know they aren’t people but they have feelings like people too right so anyway I need you to come home right now and help win this war and take down our enemy please come back home right now please please please please!!!”
Was I hyperventilating?
“Umm…I’ll be right….there?”
“Thank you thank you thank you! Byeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”
“Um. Right. Yeah. Bye?”
Ten long minutes later and my Father returned home and confronted the evil demon, conquering it and sending it back to its rightful place in the Underworld (he captured it with a paper towel and released it outside). He told me it was just a bat, but how could I trust him? He went out drinking! He could be under the influence! He doesn’t know anything. It was definitely a demon. I mean, did you see the way it was repelled by the holy, divine power of the cross? Its hellish energies were overcome by the power of love and justice!
My Dad, feeling sympathetic to the harsh battle I went through, drove to the store and got me my favorite ice cream: chocolate and vanilla swirl, topped by rainbow sprinkles.
And that’s how you get your Dad to get you some ice cream. Well, kinda. I would not recommend doing it again. Unless you like being attacked by otherworldly demons sent by Satan himself. If so, then go right ahead. But as for me, I’m good.
-- Tucker Huston, 11th grader, is on Northern Highlands Regional High School’s newspaper as a writer and also am on the school’s literary magazine. Additionally, Huston runs cross country in the fall, swims varsity in the winter and does long distance track in the spring for his school’s sports teams. Huston enjoys being with his friends and family and browsing the internet.