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  • Issue 23 Spring 2022
    • Issue #23 Art Spring 2022 >
      • Jonathan Kvassay Spring 2022
      • Karyna McGlynn Spring 2022
      • Andrea Kowch Spring 2022
      • Layla Garcia-Torres Spring 2022
    • Issue #23 Poetry Spring 2022 >
      • Robin Gow Spring 2022
      • T.D. Walker Spring 2022
      • Jen Schalliol Huang Spring 2022
      • Yvonne Zipter Spring 2022
      • Carrie McGath Spring 2022
      • Lupita Eyde-Tucker Spring 2022
      • Susan L. Leary Spring 2022
      • Kate Sweeney Spring 2022
      • Rita Mookerjee Spring 2022
      • Erin Carlyle Spring 2022
      • Cori Bratty-Rudd Spring 2022
      • Jen Karetnick Spring 2022
      • Meghan Sterling Spring 2022
      • Lorelei Bacht Spring 2022
      • Michael Passafiume Spring 2022
      • Jeannine Hall Gailey Spring 2022
      • Phil Goldstein Spring 2022
      • Michael Mingo Spring 2022
      • Angie Macri Spring 2022
      • Martha Silano Spring 2022
      • Vismai Rao Spring 2022
      • Anna Laura Reeve Spring 2022
      • Jenny Irish Spring 2022
      • Marek Kulig Spring 2022
      • Jami Macarty Spring 2022
      • Sarah A. Rae Spring 2022
      • Brittney Corrigan Spring 2022
      • Callista Buchen Spring 2022
      • Issam Zineh Spring 2022
      • MICHAEL CHANG Spring 2022
      • henry 7. reneau, jr. Spring 2022
      • Leah Umansky Spring 2022
      • Cody Beck Spring 2022
      • Danyal Kim Spring 2022
      • Rachel DeWoskin Spring 2022
    • Issue #23 Fiction Spring 2022 >
      • Melissa Boberg Spring 2022
    • Issue #23 Nonfiction Spring 2022 >
      • Srinaath Perangur Spring 2022
      • Audrey T. Carroll Spring 2022
  • Issue #24 Fall 2022
    • Issue #24 Art Fall 2022 >
      • Marsha Solomon Fall 2022
      • Edward Lee Fall 2022
      • Harryette Mullen Fall 2022
      • Jezzelle Kellam Fall 2022
      • Irina Greciuhina Fall 2022
      • Natalie Christensen Fall 2022
      • Mark Yale Harris Fall 2022
      • Amy Nelder Fall 2022
      • Bette Ridgeway Fall 2022
      • Ursula Sokolowska Fall 2022
    • Issue #24 Poetry Fall 2022 >
      • William Stobb Fall 2022
      • e Fall 2022
      • Stefanie Kirby Fall 2022
      • Lisa Ampleman Fall 2022
      • Will Cordeiro Fall 2022
      • Jesica Davis Fall 2022
      • Peter O'Donovan Fall 2022
      • Mackenzie Carignan Fall 2022
      • Jason Fraley Fall 2022
      • Barbara Saunier Fall 2022
      • Chad Weeden Fall 2022
      • Nick Rattner Fall 2022
      • Cynthia Schwartzberg Edlow Fall 2022
      • Summer J. Hart Fall 2022
      • Daniel Suá​rez Fall 2022
      • Sara Kearns Fall 2022
      • Millicent Borges Accardi Fall 2022
      • Liz Robbins Fall 2022
      • john compton Fall 2022
      • Esther Sadoff Fall 2022
      • Whitney Koo Fall 2022
      • W. J. Lofton Fall 2022
      • Rachel Reynolds Fall 2022
      • Kimberly Ann Priest Fall 2022
      • Annie Przypyszny Fall 2022
      • Konstantin Kulakov Fall 2022
      • Nellie Cox Fall 2022
      • Jennifer Martelli Fall 2022
      • SM Stubbs Fall 2022
      • Joshua Bird Fall 2022
    • Issue #24 Fiction Fall 2022 >
      • Otis Fuqua Fall 2022
      • Hannah Harlow Fall 2022
      • Natalia Nebel Fall 2022
      • Kate Maxwell Fall 2022
      • Helena Pantsis Fall 2022
    • Issue #24 Nonfiction Fall 2022 >
      • Courtney Ludwick Fall 2022
      • Anna Oberg Fall 2022
      • Acadia Currah Fall 2022
  • Issue #25 Spring 2023
    • Issue #25 Art Spring 2023 >
      • David Carter Spring 2023
      • Annabel Jung Spring 2023
      • Ryota Matsumoto Spring 2023
      • Leah Oates Spring 2023
      • Eve Ozer Spring 2023
      • Emily Rankin Spring 2023
      • Esther Yeon Spring 2023
    • Issue #25 Poetry Spring 2023 >
      • Emma Bolden Spring 2023
      • Ronda Piszk Broatch Spring 2023
      • M. Cynthia Cheung Spring 2023
      • Flower Conroy Spring 2023
      • Jill Crammond Spring 2023
      • Sandra Crouch Spring 2023
      • Satya Dash Spring 2023
      • Rita Feinstein Spring 2023
      • Dan Fliegel Spring 2023
      • Lisa Higgs ​Spring 2023
      • Dennis Hinrichsen ​Spring 2023
      • Mara Jebsen ​Spring 2023
      • Abriana Jetté ​Spring 2023
      • Letitia Jiju ​Spring 2023
      • E.W.I. Johnson ​Spring 2023
      • Ashley Kunsa ​Spring 2023
      • Susanna Lang ​Spring 2023
      • James Fujinami Moore Spring 2023
      • Matthew Murrey Spring 2023
      • Pablo Otavalo Spring 2023
      • Heather Qin ​Spring 2023
      • Wesley Sexton ​Spring 2023
      • Ashish Singh ​Spring 2023
      • Sara Sowers-Wills ​Spring 2023
      • Sydney Vogl ​Spring 2023
      • Elinor Ann Walker Spring 2023
      • Andrew Wells Spring 2023
      • Erin Wilson Spring 2023
      • Marina Hope Wilson ​Spring 2023
      • David Wojciechowski Spring 2023
      • Jules Wood Spring 2023
      • Ellen Zhang Spring 2023
      • BJ Zhou Spring 2023
      • Jane Zwart Spring 2023
    • Issue #25 Fiction Spring 2023 >
      • Eleonora Balsano Spring 2023
      • Callie S. Blackstone Spring 2023
      • Daniel Deisinger Spring 2023
      • CL Glanzing Spring 2023
      • Janine Kovac Spring 2023
      • Jeremy T. Wilson Spring 2023
      • Richie Zaborowske Spring 2023
    • Issue #25 Nonfiction Spring 2023 >
      • Kalie Johnson Spring 2023
      • Amanda Roth Spring 2023

Reg Saner

Apollo & My Fool’s Errand

You do not know what your life is–nor what
you are doing, nor who you are. 

Euripides, The Bacchae

In my early twenties I learned that Apollo’s great temple at Delphi bore a famous inscription: “Know thyself.” And I thought, “How banal can you get?”

Yet legations from all over the Mediterranean world visited Delphi to consult oracular powers there. Well, if the maxim was a fair sample of available sagacity, they should have spared themselves a trip. During my young-and-stupid phase, “Know thyself” seemed more a joke than advice worthy of Apollo. One’s own self? What could be easier? “Hey, I already do! None better.”

Slowly as years, I began finding that maxim to be a unisex maze, a sort of labyrinth precisely the size of each life. And shape-shifty. At times, a snare cunningly hidden in plain sight, though lately I see it as a door opening to us only if we’re already inside. Which takes a while. Wise is the man who knows his own mind. Are there any?

Those roundabout travels and wrong turns befalling everyone on the way to self-knowledge acquire an especially paradoxical twist because our human nature is written right and left of us, on each side of the road, and also within us as part of time’s story. Clues lie thick-sown wherever in our lives we happen to glance, including our genetic heritage of cells that have journeyed, Proteus-like, through eons of animal forms to be the life of your eyes, just now doing the looking.

We know. Our role makes part of the tale, one written in the skies and right under our noses, but, like the Sphinx’s riddle, we suppose it’s decipherable only by some deep thinking savant. Tracing evolution backward may be the least of it, which, in the technical and laboratory sense, must nowadays be left to biochemists. Certainly, even for a specialist, all-inclusive self-decryption must forever reside light years beyond any lifetime. This is so because what we are depends on where. A Zuñi boy guarding his father’s cornfield from rabbits and crows in, say, 1539 is one thing. Three years later, that same Zuñi youngster seeing horses for the first time — with the land’s first Spaniards astride them — becomes quite another by virtue of his new context. Even to place him within a European year-number transmutes the boy he actually was to historical artifact. Thus, any holistic deciphering of “me” needs to consider our actual situation in time and space, whose dimensions aren’t solely themselves but, in some rather spooky ways, each other. Oh, no doubt of it, context alters content.

After all, how can the part be fully known without knowing the whole? And doesn’t fully knowing the part change our sense of the whole? For example, in embryo we each had a tail like a tadpole, which survives vestigially as the coccyx, a funny come-uppance when you think about it; all of us walking round while waggling, under the skin of our pretensions, little bony stumps of tails.

Then, too, knowledge of the whole changes what the part truly is. For example, awareness that evolution hasn’t stopped, is in fact ongoing, subtly alters our sense of our own bodies; that’s true just as surely as my tongue runs on sun sugar devised by the mind of a forest, and surely as our lives depend on a star. Among mental circularities I value the ongoing widening of that part/whole spiral more than any other line I might follow.

Yet it’s a line none of us can trace very far. Astronomers must speak of “the observable universe” only. Given the possibility of multiverses, that’s not saying much. Oddly, as a lessthan-minuscule side effect of all that, I rather like being surrounded by the unknown and unknowable.

Happily, however, you can’t lose ‘em all. In groping round my backyard inch or two of planet Earth I do sometimes sense my ignorance becoming the size of a cosmos, and like that feeling as well. Or at least believe I believe I do. (When it comes to the self, can we ever be sure?) It’s a sort of fool’s errand, working to enlarge your unknowing, yet I enjoy the attempt. Odder still, my expanding awareness of being nearly infinitely ignorant strikes me as an achievement of sorts. In a world where one riddle is tucked into the next, it’s not easy to grasp even a rough sketch of what went into expressing you.

If your ignorance has an activist bent, however, certain wider dimensions of “Know thyself” do begin to grow familiar. As a matter of radical fact, for example, we living creatures are expressions of Earth, just as we in return express it — though in thought and word only. Not coincidentally, therefore, the word “matter” is traceable back to Latin mater, or “mother.” Hence, we and our maternal planet are a kind of Möbius strip, each alive inside the other. As I walk and look around, it enriches me to feel how that is so.

What’s more, the origin of “express” gives the word new life. Its etymology gets reenacted every time one of those high priests of caffeine forces steam through finely ground coffee for your cup of espresso. An everyday phrase like “expressing yourself” can feel witty, as if the self gave off tinted vapor, variously colored according to mood.. Less remotely, of course, your heart’s red “expressions” are actual squeezes and spurts of your life’s blood. After instilling that heart, your mother, in labor, then physically “expressed” you as her newborn, whereupon your personality further became (metaphorically) her “expression,” augmented by family, schoolmates, and others, however remote in time and space. Plato, for instance; or the Biblical story of Job.

Inevitably, therefore, just as Earth “expressed” us, we in turn “expressed” the gods. No less a deity than Apollo, although a god of self-knowledge, echoes the blurred impulses of his creators by becoming — in Greek thought and ritual — now an ethical guide; now a devious womanizer; now an archer fatally accurate; now the god of harmonious music; now a benign healer or fell avenger. Quite a repertoire. Yet it’s common for a god or goddess to be simultaneously, or by turns, herself and her opposite. Aren’t we all? Apollo simply wore whatever face his human creator/worshipers needed to see at the time, thus echoing on a grand scale our own labile and various selves.

So experience, which is sometimes called (a bit uncomfortably for me) “the school of fools,” has by now shown me that Delphi’s “Know thyself,” may be the trickiest counsel ever imparted. Among its implicit aspects is knowledge of the universe whose creatures we are. In pursuit of our relation to it–meaning our relation to everything that is–I often end up at the wisdom of the ages. That, too, has many sources, though perhaps none more historically important for this scientific age than a highly intelligent Greek named Thales, who has been called “the first scientist.”
 
If we imagine people of the ancient world as old, we’re forgetting that, on average, most were younger than we are, so I picture Thales as a fit fortysomething, and very, very smart. Alive today, he’d be a Nobel laureate in theoretical physics. Even back in the sixth century B.C. his versatility as astronomer, cosmologist, and geometer led to his reputation as a deep thinker, one often consulted by fellow Greeks. Yet when this proto-physicist was asked, “What is most difficult?” Thales didn’t answer as you’d suppose, by naming some abstruse problem in star-science or trigonometry. Instead, he replied, “The thing most difficult is to know yourself.” Small wonder that he was reputed the wisest man in Greece.

Given his wide interests, it’s at least plausible to suppose that his idea of self-knowledge meant going beyond a mere inventory of our strictly personal illusions, our hang-ups, our talents, and our vanities. Conceivably, such a versatile man must have felt that true self-knowledge includes our relation to our natal soil, to this planet, to its nearest star, and beyond. That’s why I’ve come to see Delphi’s “Know thyself” as the most inexhaustible imperative ever imparted. Its necessary context is our entire natural world.

But don’t take my word for it. Pretend this voice isn’t mine, doesn’t come from a few atoms dreaming they’re someone less than a six-billionth of his kind now alive. Imagine instead it’s Apollo calling: “If you truly knew yourself that way . . . would you still be who you are?”



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  • Home
  • About
    • Our Story
    • Masthead
  • Submit
    • Submission Guidelines
    • Submit Here
  • Features
  • Interviews
  • Book Reviews
  • Previous Issues
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Issue 23 Spring 2022
    • Issue #23 Art Spring 2022 >
      • Jonathan Kvassay Spring 2022
      • Karyna McGlynn Spring 2022
      • Andrea Kowch Spring 2022
      • Layla Garcia-Torres Spring 2022
    • Issue #23 Poetry Spring 2022 >
      • Robin Gow Spring 2022
      • T.D. Walker Spring 2022
      • Jen Schalliol Huang Spring 2022
      • Yvonne Zipter Spring 2022
      • Carrie McGath Spring 2022
      • Lupita Eyde-Tucker Spring 2022
      • Susan L. Leary Spring 2022
      • Kate Sweeney Spring 2022
      • Rita Mookerjee Spring 2022
      • Erin Carlyle Spring 2022
      • Cori Bratty-Rudd Spring 2022
      • Jen Karetnick Spring 2022
      • Meghan Sterling Spring 2022
      • Lorelei Bacht Spring 2022
      • Michael Passafiume Spring 2022
      • Jeannine Hall Gailey Spring 2022
      • Phil Goldstein Spring 2022
      • Michael Mingo Spring 2022
      • Angie Macri Spring 2022
      • Martha Silano Spring 2022
      • Vismai Rao Spring 2022
      • Anna Laura Reeve Spring 2022
      • Jenny Irish Spring 2022
      • Marek Kulig Spring 2022
      • Jami Macarty Spring 2022
      • Sarah A. Rae Spring 2022
      • Brittney Corrigan Spring 2022
      • Callista Buchen Spring 2022
      • Issam Zineh Spring 2022
      • MICHAEL CHANG Spring 2022
      • henry 7. reneau, jr. Spring 2022
      • Leah Umansky Spring 2022
      • Cody Beck Spring 2022
      • Danyal Kim Spring 2022
      • Rachel DeWoskin Spring 2022
    • Issue #23 Fiction Spring 2022 >
      • Melissa Boberg Spring 2022
    • Issue #23 Nonfiction Spring 2022 >
      • Srinaath Perangur Spring 2022
      • Audrey T. Carroll Spring 2022
  • Issue #24 Fall 2022
    • Issue #24 Art Fall 2022 >
      • Marsha Solomon Fall 2022
      • Edward Lee Fall 2022
      • Harryette Mullen Fall 2022
      • Jezzelle Kellam Fall 2022
      • Irina Greciuhina Fall 2022
      • Natalie Christensen Fall 2022
      • Mark Yale Harris Fall 2022
      • Amy Nelder Fall 2022
      • Bette Ridgeway Fall 2022
      • Ursula Sokolowska Fall 2022
    • Issue #24 Poetry Fall 2022 >
      • William Stobb Fall 2022
      • e Fall 2022
      • Stefanie Kirby Fall 2022
      • Lisa Ampleman Fall 2022
      • Will Cordeiro Fall 2022
      • Jesica Davis Fall 2022
      • Peter O'Donovan Fall 2022
      • Mackenzie Carignan Fall 2022
      • Jason Fraley Fall 2022
      • Barbara Saunier Fall 2022
      • Chad Weeden Fall 2022
      • Nick Rattner Fall 2022
      • Cynthia Schwartzberg Edlow Fall 2022
      • Summer J. Hart Fall 2022
      • Daniel Suá​rez Fall 2022
      • Sara Kearns Fall 2022
      • Millicent Borges Accardi Fall 2022
      • Liz Robbins Fall 2022
      • john compton Fall 2022
      • Esther Sadoff Fall 2022
      • Whitney Koo Fall 2022
      • W. J. Lofton Fall 2022
      • Rachel Reynolds Fall 2022
      • Kimberly Ann Priest Fall 2022
      • Annie Przypyszny Fall 2022
      • Konstantin Kulakov Fall 2022
      • Nellie Cox Fall 2022
      • Jennifer Martelli Fall 2022
      • SM Stubbs Fall 2022
      • Joshua Bird Fall 2022
    • Issue #24 Fiction Fall 2022 >
      • Otis Fuqua Fall 2022
      • Hannah Harlow Fall 2022
      • Natalia Nebel Fall 2022
      • Kate Maxwell Fall 2022
      • Helena Pantsis Fall 2022
    • Issue #24 Nonfiction Fall 2022 >
      • Courtney Ludwick Fall 2022
      • Anna Oberg Fall 2022
      • Acadia Currah Fall 2022
  • Issue #25 Spring 2023
    • Issue #25 Art Spring 2023 >
      • David Carter Spring 2023
      • Annabel Jung Spring 2023
      • Ryota Matsumoto Spring 2023
      • Leah Oates Spring 2023
      • Eve Ozer Spring 2023
      • Emily Rankin Spring 2023
      • Esther Yeon Spring 2023
    • Issue #25 Poetry Spring 2023 >
      • Emma Bolden Spring 2023
      • Ronda Piszk Broatch Spring 2023
      • M. Cynthia Cheung Spring 2023
      • Flower Conroy Spring 2023
      • Jill Crammond Spring 2023
      • Sandra Crouch Spring 2023
      • Satya Dash Spring 2023
      • Rita Feinstein Spring 2023
      • Dan Fliegel Spring 2023
      • Lisa Higgs ​Spring 2023
      • Dennis Hinrichsen ​Spring 2023
      • Mara Jebsen ​Spring 2023
      • Abriana Jetté ​Spring 2023
      • Letitia Jiju ​Spring 2023
      • E.W.I. Johnson ​Spring 2023
      • Ashley Kunsa ​Spring 2023
      • Susanna Lang ​Spring 2023
      • James Fujinami Moore Spring 2023
      • Matthew Murrey Spring 2023
      • Pablo Otavalo Spring 2023
      • Heather Qin ​Spring 2023
      • Wesley Sexton ​Spring 2023
      • Ashish Singh ​Spring 2023
      • Sara Sowers-Wills ​Spring 2023
      • Sydney Vogl ​Spring 2023
      • Elinor Ann Walker Spring 2023
      • Andrew Wells Spring 2023
      • Erin Wilson Spring 2023
      • Marina Hope Wilson ​Spring 2023
      • David Wojciechowski Spring 2023
      • Jules Wood Spring 2023
      • Ellen Zhang Spring 2023
      • BJ Zhou Spring 2023
      • Jane Zwart Spring 2023
    • Issue #25 Fiction Spring 2023 >
      • Eleonora Balsano Spring 2023
      • Callie S. Blackstone Spring 2023
      • Daniel Deisinger Spring 2023
      • CL Glanzing Spring 2023
      • Janine Kovac Spring 2023
      • Jeremy T. Wilson Spring 2023
      • Richie Zaborowske Spring 2023
    • Issue #25 Nonfiction Spring 2023 >
      • Kalie Johnson Spring 2023
      • Amanda Roth Spring 2023