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  • Issue #24 Fall 2022
    • Issue #24 Art Fall 2022 >
      • Marsha Solomon Fall 2022
      • Edward Lee Fall 2022
      • Harryette Mullen Fall 2022
      • Jezzelle Kellam Fall 2022
      • Irina Greciuhina Fall 2022
      • Natalie Christensen Fall 2022
      • Mark Yale Harris Fall 2022
      • Amy Nelder Fall 2022
      • Bette Ridgeway Fall 2022
      • Ursula Sokolowska Fall 2022
    • Issue #24 Poetry Fall 2022 >
      • William Stobb Fall 2022
      • e Fall 2022
      • Stefanie Kirby Fall 2022
      • Lisa Ampleman Fall 2022
      • Will Cordeiro Fall 2022
      • Jesica Davis Fall 2022
      • Peter O'Donovan Fall 2022
      • Mackenzie Carignan Fall 2022
      • Jason Fraley Fall 2022
      • Barbara Saunier Fall 2022
      • Chad Weeden Fall 2022
      • Nick Rattner Fall 2022
      • Cynthia Schwartzberg Edlow Fall 2022
      • Summer J. Hart Fall 2022
      • Daniel Suá​rez Fall 2022
      • Sara Kearns Fall 2022
      • Millicent Borges Accardi Fall 2022
      • Liz Robbins Fall 2022
      • john compton Fall 2022
      • Esther Sadoff Fall 2022
      • Whitney Koo Fall 2022
      • W. J. Lofton Fall 2022
      • Rachel Reynolds Fall 2022
      • Kimberly Ann Priest Fall 2022
      • Annie Przypyszny Fall 2022
      • Konstantin Kulakov Fall 2022
      • Nellie Cox Fall 2022
      • Jennifer Martelli Fall 2022
      • SM Stubbs Fall 2022
      • Joshua Bird Fall 2022
    • Issue #24 Fiction Fall 2022 >
      • Otis Fuqua Fall 2022
      • Hannah Harlow Fall 2022
      • Natalia Nebel Fall 2022
      • Kate Maxwell Fall 2022
      • Helena Pantsis Fall 2022
    • Issue #24 Nonfiction Fall 2022 >
      • Courtney Ludwick Fall 2022
      • Anna Oberg Fall 2022
      • Acadia Currah Fall 2022
  • Issue #25 Spring 2023
    • Issue #25 Art Spring 2023 >
      • David Carter Spring 2023
      • Annabel Jung Spring 2023
      • Ryota Matsumoto Spring 2023
      • Leah Oates Spring 2023
      • Eve Ozer Spring 2023
      • Emily Rankin Spring 2023
      • Esther Yeon Spring 2023
    • Issue #25 Poetry Spring 2023 >
      • Emma Bolden Spring 2023
      • Ronda Piszk Broatch Spring 2023
      • M. Cynthia Cheung Spring 2023
      • Flower Conroy Spring 2023
      • Jill Crammond Spring 2023
      • Sandra Crouch Spring 2023
      • Satya Dash Spring 2023
      • Rita Feinstein Spring 2023
      • Dan Fliegel Spring 2023
      • Lisa Higgs ​Spring 2023
      • Dennis Hinrichsen ​Spring 2023
      • Mara Jebsen ​Spring 2023
      • Abriana Jetté ​Spring 2023
      • Letitia Jiju ​Spring 2023
      • E.W.I. Johnson ​Spring 2023
      • Ashley Kunsa ​Spring 2023
      • Susanna Lang ​Spring 2023
      • James Fujinami Moore Spring 2023
      • Matthew Murrey Spring 2023
      • Pablo Otavalo Spring 2023
      • Heather Qin ​Spring 2023
      • Wesley Sexton ​Spring 2023
      • Ashish Singh ​Spring 2023
      • Sara Sowers-Wills ​Spring 2023
      • Sydney Vogl ​Spring 2023
      • Elinor Ann Walker Spring 2023
      • Andrew Wells Spring 2023
      • Erin Wilson Spring 2023
      • Marina Hope Wilson ​Spring 2023
      • David Wojciechowski Spring 2023
      • Jules Wood Spring 2023
      • Ellen Zhang Spring 2023
      • BJ Zhou Spring 2023
      • Jane Zwart Spring 2023
    • Issue #25 Fiction Spring 2023 >
      • Eleonora Balsano Spring 2023
      • Callie S. Blackstone Spring 2023
      • Daniel Deisinger Spring 2023
      • CL Glanzing Spring 2023
      • Janine Kovac Spring 2023
      • Jeremy T. Wilson Spring 2023
      • Richie Zaborowske Spring 2023
    • Issue #25 Nonfiction Spring 2023 >
      • Kalie Johnson Spring 2023
      • Amanda Roth Spring 2023
  • Issue #26 Fall 2023
    • Issue #26 Art Fall 2023 >
      • Alexey Adonin Fall 2023
      • Jian Choi Fall 2023
      • Irina Greciuhina Fall 2023
      • ​Anna Maeve Fall 2023
      • Jason Reblando Fall 2023
    • Issue #26 Poetry Fall 2023 >
      • Fasasi Abdulrosheed Oladipupo ​ Fall 2023
      • Christopher Ankney Fall 2023
      • Magdalena Arias Vásquez Fall 2023
      • John Peter Beck Fall 2023
      • Mihir Bellamkonda Fall 2023
      • Benjamin Bellas Fall 2023
      • Michael Carson Fall 2023
      • Kevin Clark Fall 2023
      • Aaron Coleman Fall 2023
      • Mark DeCarteret Fall 2023
      • Denise Duhamel Fall 2023
      • Brandel France de Bravo Fall 2023
      • Tina Gross Fall 2023
      • Amorak Huey Fall 2023
      • James Kimbrell Fall 2023
      • Casey Knott Fall 2023
      • Stephen Lackaye Fall 2023
      • Cynthia Manick Fall 2023
      • Savannah McClendon Fall 2023
      • John Muellner Fall 2023
      • Mollie O’Leary Fall 2023
      • Joel Peckham Fall 2023
      • Natalia Prusinska Fall 2023
      • henry 7. reneau, jr. Fall 2023
      • Esther Sadoff Fall 2023
      • Hilary Sallick Fall 2023
      • Kelly R. Samuels Fall 2023
    • Issue #26 Fiction Fall 2023 >
      • Abbie Barker Fall 2023
      • Eric Rasmussen Fall 2023
      • E.P. Tuazon Fall 2023

Sheila Black

Lontaine


1.
 
For a long time I had struggled toward such clarity,
 
the mouth of ash & not the film,
 
in which I was free to
flicker and enter as I chose.  To give in too easily to “wanting
 
the impossible,” now seemed
 
a repudiation of the skin as it breathes, the facticity of another’s
 
breath, tasting of onions or cigarettes,
 thin wine or yeasted bread, a decay to be
 
embraced & to hesitate a betrayal of the truer forms:
 
the scudding clouds or the sunlight which strips
 
bare, much as winter does.  
 
2.
 
In those days, I often walked
 
without direction, not infrequently seized by
a longing to fling myself
 
down to the earth,  to dig a hole & pour my voice in.
 
Afraid, at times, I might  start hugging the trees--
 
blood sister of cherry, moon-bark of aspen,
 
Often, I wondered at my purpose--
 
this dogged sorrow, which had taught me so little,
 
until I understood I was struggling to construct myself around
an absence:
 
what-I-desired-and-could-not-will-to-be.
 
3.
 
When autumn came, the pain attenuated to almost-pleasure:
 
the world  now limpid, my mirror--
 
pale grass, high wind, bruise clouds drifting over,
 
even the somehow tortured-looing shapes  of  the junipers.
 
Ice filled the space behind my eyes.  I believed I had never
 
seen each object in the world so clearly
 
or understood what desert and plain and forest might mean,
 
those spaces where people still enter
 
as alien, outside the range of hearth or  village, town or strip-mall,
 
far from creature comfort.
 
4.
 
Rain pelted and turned to hail. 
 
Icicles coalesced along the edges of the buildings.
 
One morning the car refused to start.
 
I walked until my fingers were blue, and I was afraid to look at my toes,
like ice-fish, deep under a lake, the fact that they freeze
 
in place, sometimes years.
 
5.
 
You left on a journey and came back
 
tanned and speaking loudly.  I pretended not to notice
the precise manner of your not noticing me,
 
winter inside, a hunger for eternity,
 
until I believed I could understood even the trees  gloved in ice,
the meekness of lawns,  the grasses’ inexorable stiffening,
 
believed I would choose to stay awake through any operation,
 
which was why I watched you, just watched you, 
regardless of the pain it caused me,
 
or my refusal of all consolation,
 
so long had I sought to enter the realm of pure feeling.







--
Sheila Black is the author of four poetry collections, most recently Iron, Ardent (Educe Press, 2017). She is a co-editor of Beauty is a Verb: The New Poetry of Disability (Cinco Puntos Press, 2011). Her poems have appeared in Poetry, The Spectacle, The Nation (forthcoming), The New York Times and other places. She currently divides her time between San Antonio, TX, and Washington, D.C., where she works at AWP.

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  • Home
  • About
    • Our Story
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  • Previous Issues
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  • Issue #24 Fall 2022
    • Issue #24 Art Fall 2022 >
      • Marsha Solomon Fall 2022
      • Edward Lee Fall 2022
      • Harryette Mullen Fall 2022
      • Jezzelle Kellam Fall 2022
      • Irina Greciuhina Fall 2022
      • Natalie Christensen Fall 2022
      • Mark Yale Harris Fall 2022
      • Amy Nelder Fall 2022
      • Bette Ridgeway Fall 2022
      • Ursula Sokolowska Fall 2022
    • Issue #24 Poetry Fall 2022 >
      • William Stobb Fall 2022
      • e Fall 2022
      • Stefanie Kirby Fall 2022
      • Lisa Ampleman Fall 2022
      • Will Cordeiro Fall 2022
      • Jesica Davis Fall 2022
      • Peter O'Donovan Fall 2022
      • Mackenzie Carignan Fall 2022
      • Jason Fraley Fall 2022
      • Barbara Saunier Fall 2022
      • Chad Weeden Fall 2022
      • Nick Rattner Fall 2022
      • Cynthia Schwartzberg Edlow Fall 2022
      • Summer J. Hart Fall 2022
      • Daniel Suá​rez Fall 2022
      • Sara Kearns Fall 2022
      • Millicent Borges Accardi Fall 2022
      • Liz Robbins Fall 2022
      • john compton Fall 2022
      • Esther Sadoff Fall 2022
      • Whitney Koo Fall 2022
      • W. J. Lofton Fall 2022
      • Rachel Reynolds Fall 2022
      • Kimberly Ann Priest Fall 2022
      • Annie Przypyszny Fall 2022
      • Konstantin Kulakov Fall 2022
      • Nellie Cox Fall 2022
      • Jennifer Martelli Fall 2022
      • SM Stubbs Fall 2022
      • Joshua Bird Fall 2022
    • Issue #24 Fiction Fall 2022 >
      • Otis Fuqua Fall 2022
      • Hannah Harlow Fall 2022
      • Natalia Nebel Fall 2022
      • Kate Maxwell Fall 2022
      • Helena Pantsis Fall 2022
    • Issue #24 Nonfiction Fall 2022 >
      • Courtney Ludwick Fall 2022
      • Anna Oberg Fall 2022
      • Acadia Currah Fall 2022
  • Issue #25 Spring 2023
    • Issue #25 Art Spring 2023 >
      • David Carter Spring 2023
      • Annabel Jung Spring 2023
      • Ryota Matsumoto Spring 2023
      • Leah Oates Spring 2023
      • Eve Ozer Spring 2023
      • Emily Rankin Spring 2023
      • Esther Yeon Spring 2023
    • Issue #25 Poetry Spring 2023 >
      • Emma Bolden Spring 2023
      • Ronda Piszk Broatch Spring 2023
      • M. Cynthia Cheung Spring 2023
      • Flower Conroy Spring 2023
      • Jill Crammond Spring 2023
      • Sandra Crouch Spring 2023
      • Satya Dash Spring 2023
      • Rita Feinstein Spring 2023
      • Dan Fliegel Spring 2023
      • Lisa Higgs ​Spring 2023
      • Dennis Hinrichsen ​Spring 2023
      • Mara Jebsen ​Spring 2023
      • Abriana Jetté ​Spring 2023
      • Letitia Jiju ​Spring 2023
      • E.W.I. Johnson ​Spring 2023
      • Ashley Kunsa ​Spring 2023
      • Susanna Lang ​Spring 2023
      • James Fujinami Moore Spring 2023
      • Matthew Murrey Spring 2023
      • Pablo Otavalo Spring 2023
      • Heather Qin ​Spring 2023
      • Wesley Sexton ​Spring 2023
      • Ashish Singh ​Spring 2023
      • Sara Sowers-Wills ​Spring 2023
      • Sydney Vogl ​Spring 2023
      • Elinor Ann Walker Spring 2023
      • Andrew Wells Spring 2023
      • Erin Wilson Spring 2023
      • Marina Hope Wilson ​Spring 2023
      • David Wojciechowski Spring 2023
      • Jules Wood Spring 2023
      • Ellen Zhang Spring 2023
      • BJ Zhou Spring 2023
      • Jane Zwart Spring 2023
    • Issue #25 Fiction Spring 2023 >
      • Eleonora Balsano Spring 2023
      • Callie S. Blackstone Spring 2023
      • Daniel Deisinger Spring 2023
      • CL Glanzing Spring 2023
      • Janine Kovac Spring 2023
      • Jeremy T. Wilson Spring 2023
      • Richie Zaborowske Spring 2023
    • Issue #25 Nonfiction Spring 2023 >
      • Kalie Johnson Spring 2023
      • Amanda Roth Spring 2023
  • Issue #26 Fall 2023
    • Issue #26 Art Fall 2023 >
      • Alexey Adonin Fall 2023
      • Jian Choi Fall 2023
      • Irina Greciuhina Fall 2023
      • ​Anna Maeve Fall 2023
      • Jason Reblando Fall 2023
    • Issue #26 Poetry Fall 2023 >
      • Fasasi Abdulrosheed Oladipupo ​ Fall 2023
      • Christopher Ankney Fall 2023
      • Magdalena Arias Vásquez Fall 2023
      • John Peter Beck Fall 2023
      • Mihir Bellamkonda Fall 2023
      • Benjamin Bellas Fall 2023
      • Michael Carson Fall 2023
      • Kevin Clark Fall 2023
      • Aaron Coleman Fall 2023
      • Mark DeCarteret Fall 2023
      • Denise Duhamel Fall 2023
      • Brandel France de Bravo Fall 2023
      • Tina Gross Fall 2023
      • Amorak Huey Fall 2023
      • James Kimbrell Fall 2023
      • Casey Knott Fall 2023
      • Stephen Lackaye Fall 2023
      • Cynthia Manick Fall 2023
      • Savannah McClendon Fall 2023
      • John Muellner Fall 2023
      • Mollie O’Leary Fall 2023
      • Joel Peckham Fall 2023
      • Natalia Prusinska Fall 2023
      • henry 7. reneau, jr. Fall 2023
      • Esther Sadoff Fall 2023
      • Hilary Sallick Fall 2023
      • Kelly R. Samuels Fall 2023
    • Issue #26 Fiction Fall 2023 >
      • Abbie Barker Fall 2023
      • Eric Rasmussen Fall 2023
      • E.P. Tuazon Fall 2023