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Thomas Misuraca

OCD


​      Wash my hands. Don’t wash your hands. If I don’t wash them, I’ll catch a virus and die. You already washed them twice, they’re clean. Wash my hands. Don’t wash your hands.
     I can’t do this, regardless of what Dr. Sommers thinks. You can do it, and you will. I’ve been doing these things my entire life, there’s no way I can stop it in one day. Nobody’s asking you to stop it in one day, just to try, or you’ll never stop. 
     Why do I have to stop? Because it’s unhealthy and you know it. Is it? Yes.
     Must wash the cereal bowl. The cereal bowl is clean. There could be microbes on the surface that will make me sick. That’s ridiculous. I know, but to be safe I’m washing it again. Don’t. Too late.
     I’m never going to make it through the day; it’s not even eight o’clock. You’ll make it, every moment is a new chance to better yourself.
     Must shower again. Don’t shower again. I have to fold and unfold my underwear three times. Put your underwear on without folding. I have to walk around the bed before putting on my pants. Put your pants on now without walking. And I suppose you want me to button my shirt all at once, not count to thirty-six between buttons? You’re getting the idea.
     I’m dressed. That wasn’t so difficult; nothing bad happened. Not yet, but it’s still early; I have too much time before work. Watch television. I’ll have to flip back and forth between two channels six times before choosing one. Read the paper. Do you know how many times I’ll have to wash my hands if I do that? Why don’t you leave for work now? I’ll be early, I need to arrive at 7:56 on the dot! The idea of this exercise is to break your routines. Fine, we’ll leave, and I suppose I’ll have to leave my Windex here. Yes, your car windows didn’t get that dirty overnight.
     I can’t believe I’m outside so early. You only need to lock the door once, not lock it and unlock it six times. I have to make sure it’s locked, somebody may break in. It’s locked, you just locked it, that’s all you need to do. One more time. No. Yes, there. You didn’t need to do that. I have to do it again. You don’t. Please. No.
     Can I at least check to see if I remembered my wallet? As long as you only do it once. One wallet check. Is it there? Yes. Let’s go. Maybe I should check my wallet again. It hasn’t gone anywhere in two seconds, go to the car.
     I’m just unlocking the door and getting inside, not walking around it twelve times. Great, you’re making progress. Wish I had my paper towels to grab the seatbelt. Use your hands, you cleaned it vigorously yesterday.
     I need to run the car for ten minutes. Back out now. After I adjust my mirrors. They were fine yesterday, they’ll be fine today. I need to check. Don’t. You’re right, they look fine. Told you.
     I’m still going to back out slowly. Fine.
     It’s so strange leaving at this time, all the cars on the road are different. Doesn’t matter, you’re still going to the same place. I’ll throw off the other drivers and cause an accident. No you won’t.
     The light is red and there’s nobody at the stop line before me: I need to stay two car lengths from the stop line. That’s why the stop line is there, to stop. I may hit somebody in the crosswalk. There’s quite a distance between the stop line and the crosswalk; besides, nobody’s crossing the street. They may come running out of nowhere. They won’t. I wish I had your confidence. You will.
The light is green; I must look from right to left six times before I proceed. Just do it once, the intersecting street has a red light now. Fine: left, right. Go! I’m going!
     What was that? Something hit us; a car ran the red light! I told you this would happen! Pay attention, we’re being pushed onto the sidewalk. There are people there. We aren’t going to hit them. I can’t believe you anymore… if I had looked six times, I would have seen the car coming… I knew something bad was going to happen… I knew it.
     I must get out of the car, but the door is crumpled into the seatbelt release…  I can’t escape… How could Dr. Sommers do this to me?
     People outside asking if I’m okay, I can’t make eye contact with them or something else bad will happen. 
     They want me to unlock the passenger side so they can help me. 
     No. 
     I can’t open that door and let them in—those strangers and all their germs.
     Why can’t they leave me alone? 
     Why can’t everybody leave me alone?


--
Tom Misuraca studied Writing, Publishing and Literature at Emerson College in Boston before moving to Los Angeles. Over 95 of his short stories and two novels have been published. This year his work appeared in Capsule Stories, The Crypt and Alchemy Literary Magazine. His story, Giving Up The Ghosts, was published in Constellations Journal, and nominated for a Pushcart Prize.

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  • Home
  • About
    • Our Story
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  • Issue #27 Spring 2024
    • Issue #27 Art Spring 2024 >
      • Kristina Erny Spring 2024
      • Luiza Maia Spring 2024
      • Christy Lee Rogers Spring 2024
      • Erika Lynet Salvador Spring 2024
      • Marsha Solomon Spring 2024
    • Issue #27 Poetry Spring 2024 >
      • Terry Belew Spring 2024
      • Dustin Brookshire​ & Diamond Forde Spring 2024 Spring 2024
      • Dustin Brookshire​ & Caridad Moro-Gronlier Spring 2024 Spring 2024
      • Charlie Coleman Spring 2024
      • Isabelle Doyle Spring 2024
      • Reyzl Grace Spring 2024
      • Kelly Gray Spring 2024
      • Meredith Herndon Spring 2024
      • Mina Khan Spring 2024
      • Anoushka Kumar Spring 2024
      • Cate Latimer Spring 2024
      • BEE LB Spring 2024
      • Grace Marie Liu​ Spring 2024
      • Sarah Mills Spring 2024
      • Faisal Mohyuddin 2024
      • Marcus Myers Spring 2024
      • Mike Puican Spring 2024
      • Sarah Sorensen Spring 2024
      • Lynne Thompson Spring 2024
      • Natalie Tombasco Spring 2024
      • Alexandra van de Kamp Spring 2024
      • Donna Vorreyer Spring 2024
    • Fiction #27 Spring 2024 >
      • Bryan Betancur Spring 2024
      • Karen George Spring 2024
      • Raja'a Khalid Spring 2024
      • Riley Manning Spring 2024
      • Adina Polatsek Spring 2024
      • Beth Sherman Spring 2024
    • Nonfiction #27 Spring 2024 >
      • Liza Olson Spring 2024
  • Issue #28 Fall 2024
    • Issue #28 Art Fall 2024 >
      • Eric Calloway Fall 2024
      • Matthew Fertel Fall 2024
      • JooLee Kang Fall 2024
      • Jian Kim Fall 2024
      • Robb Kunz Fall 2024
      • Sean Layh Fall 2024
    • Issue #28 Poetry Fall 2024 >
      • Jodi Balas Fall 2024
      • Clayre Benzadón Fall 2024
      • Catherine Broadwall Fall 2024
      • Sara Burge Fall 2024
      • Judith Chalmer Fall 2024
      • Stephanie Choi Fall 2024
      • Sarah Jack Fall 2024
      • Jen Karetnick Fall 2024
      • Ae Hee Lee Fall 2024
      • Svetlana Litvinchuk Fall 2024
      • Mary Lou Buschi Fall 2024
      • Angie Macri Fall 2024
      • Gary McDowell Fall 2024
      • Sam Moe Fall 2024
      • Camille Newsom Fall 2024
      • Elizabeth O'Connell- Thompson Fall 2024
      • Olatunde Osinaike Fall 2024
      • Jessica Pierce Fall 2024
      • Diane Raptosh Fall 2024
      • Isaac Richards Fall 2024
      • Robyn Schelenz Fall 2024
      • Christopher Shipman Fall 2024
      • Alex Tretbar Fall 2024
      • Ruth Williams Fall 2024
      • Shannon K. Winston Fall 2024
      • Wendy Wisner Fall 2024
      • Anne Gerard Fall 2024
    • Issue #28 Fiction Fall 2024 >
      • J​oe Baumann Fall 2024
      • ​Morganne Howell Fall 2024
      • Matt Paczkowski Fall 2024
      • Ryan Peed Fall 2024
      • Gabriella Pitts Fall 2024
      • James Sullivan Fall 2024
  • Issue #29 Spring 2025
    • Issue #29 Art Spring 2025 >
      • Irina Greciuhina Spring 2025
      • Jesse Howard Spring 2025
      • Paul Simmons Spring 2025
      • Marsha Solomon Spring 2025
      • Elzbieta Zdunek Spring 2025
      • Na Yoon Amelia Cha-Ryu Spring 2025
    • Issue #29 Poetry Spring 2025 >
      • Deborah Bacharach Spring 2025
      • Diego Báez Spring 2025
      • Jaswinder Bolina Spring 2025
      • ​Ash Bowen Spring 2025
      • Christian J. Collier Spring 2025
      • ​Shou Jie Eng Spring 2025
      • Sara Fitzpatrick Spring 2025
      • Matthew Gilbert Spring 2025
      • Tammy C. Greenwood Spring 2025
      • Alejandra Hernández ​Spring 2025
      • Ben Kline ​Spring 2025
      • ​David Moolten Spring 2025
      • ​Tamer Mostafa Spring 2025
      • ​Rongfei Mu Spring 2025
      • Cynthia Neely Spring 2025
      • Pablo Otavalo Spring 2025
      • ​Bleah Patterson Spring 2025
      • ​M.A. Scott Spring 2025
      • ​Liam Strong ​ Spring 2025
      • Alexandra van de Kamp Spring 2025
      • ​Cassandra Whitaker Spring 2025
      • Angelique Zobitz Spring 2025
    • Issue #29 Fiction Spring 2025 >
      • Vanessa Blakeslee Spring 2025
      • K. J. Coyle Spring 2025
      • Meredith MacLeod Davidson Spring 2025
      • Jessica Mosher Spring 2025
    • Issue #29 Nonfiction Spring 2025 >
      • JM Huscher Spring 2025
      • Qurrat ul Ain Raza Abbas Spring 2025